After tomorrow, I can assess myself with the things I don’t talk about. I can create a new perspective where I can look forward to. I can see myself grow not holding back to something. Realizing that there are things that is not worth holding on to.
Yes, it will be my 23rd birthday. and it is also the day to set myself free of everything I’m holding on to. I pray it will happen. This is my birthday wish.
This is the story of Jimmy who has been hiding from the police when he got to know a carpenter and his wife. They gave him a work to operate a mower to cut their grass. After some time, they welcome him into their home, to eat, bath, enjoy their company. They treat him so well, yet, Jimmy kept his bag unpack, filled with clothes. Because he thinks that when the couple change their minds about being so good to him, he can leave right away.
This has something to say with what the author wants us to understand regarding how God led the way to Joshua and his people when crossing the Jordan River.
We where afraid of the things unseen, things that might get our way when we let God do his plans. When God said to Joshua to cross the river. Its not that easy. We were afraid of change. Yet we should be standing in the commitment of God to us in the cross.
“they point to Calvary as prima facie evidence of God’s commitment to them. The followers of Joshua did the something similar, they looked not to a hill but river. Not to Calvary but Jordan. The miraculous crossing convinced them that God was in their presence. As the leader promised, “By this (crossing) you shall know that God is among you.””
I didn’t really understand yet what God wants me to cross, maybe a job or something I about to figure out, but one thing is for sure, God is with me. He will go before me.
A new season awaits. Best days began when we unpack our bags.
As I look back, I couldn’t help but to regret how giving up on you is as easy as giving up on a glass of beer. Today, reminiscing how I started my life during our 1st year of college was a roller coaster one. Every season you were there, either beside me or looking from afar. You are indeed my biggest fan. You are so proud of me even if I couldn’t be prouder of myself. You look at me like I’m the best when I look at my surroundings full of disaster. You have the eyes, next to God and my parents, who saw in me the best I can become. Yet, I let you go.
During those times I was really out of myself. I couldn’t explain more, but yeah, I’m a mess as shit. I don’t even want to hear a complement, a nice word, or even being encouraged. I was disappointed with myself. I’m lost. I’m looking for something that I don’t know. I needed to escape from reality. I needed to get out of all the people surrounding me. I don’t need words that tries to calm the situation because it didn’t. Yes, love, this explanation won’t help but I’m writing to say, that I miss you.
I know its hard, dear. But I think its best if we grow apart. I’m happy for you, for what you achieved outside our relationship. I’m happy that you can smile, you can invest in something more important, take good care of your family. Even if we’re apart, I’m happy for you, for being so strong as you are now, because I know, if we were together, you’ll only be boxed with the king of disaster I am.
And even if I missed you so much, even if I want you bad, I won’t tell you. ’cause I know the pain I’d caused you will not even compare to this feeling of wanting you back. I love you and I hope one day, you’ll say that, “there is no room in my heart for hate”.
It is always a dream for an Engineering Student to be an Engineer. As for me, it is not for me to be hired in a specific job but to finish a goal with a bang!
After graduating last April 2018, reviewing for 6 months is not easy. Challenges includes finances and time. It was a really pressuring and frustrating season for me because you have to keep up with your classmates even if you don’t want to compare, you have to. This gauge your competitiveness towards this exams. How well you did during reviews etc. So, for my first attempt, I failed.
After that failure, I stood up again. Trying to prove that its just a mistake that I failed in my first attempt. As I work in a company, I balanced reviewing again, reading, computing, memorizing again. F*ck process. Yet, on my second attempt, I failed.
Two takes and still I’m not what an engineering student should be, an engineer. Will I still be an engineer? Will still be proud to put that “engr” in my name?
Being a christian, I always hear testimonies of victories over board exams. How God, they say, helped them in their journey. That they review a little then they passed. Its frustrating to hear those words while I gave it my all in my two attempts. It always hurts when I hear those testimonies but what can I do? I just pray that one day, I will never be hurt again because of that thing that is aren’t for me. I will still try. And try. But, maybe its a cool down situation for me. Not the zeal I have in my first and second attempt. I think I won’t try to prove to others what I am capable of. I think its empowering the inner me to accept things and to be grateful for the things I have now.
This blog is intended for personal thoughts. I think writing will help us to really express ourselves. Well, for me, I really not a fan of writing long statements or sentences. In fact, typing gives me a time to think and also to easily erase whatever I may find.
Today, nineteenth of July, I decided to create this blog to release what ever I feel. It’s a self-help. I pray that I will manage this blogging thing and really dedicate at least an hour or two writing whatever. This will help me, of course.
Asterisk. Why Asterisk? Asterisk is a symbol or a character we often see with a smartphone or anywhere. Yet does we gave value to it? I think sometimes, especially if its needed. I can relate it to life. We see life as a normal routine, wake-up, eat, work, learn, sleep, wake-up, etc. but are we really taking life as a normal thing? or we are grateful for everything life has to offer? It’s crazy how I come up with Asterisk as the main title of my blog but as its name suggest? It’s a risk. So congratulations, self. for taking the risk with Asterisk.